Colouring between the lines

I haven't had the chance to blog for a few days, not because I was doing anything exciting but because I have been landscaping and then fell sick. And as neither sifting through mud or mucus is fun to write about I have ignored this place. I will forewarn you that this entry is not written with the same flippancy as my previous ones.
Today I was thinking about rules and expectations. It sort of started a couple of days ago when i was about to be dropped to the doctor by my Dad, so I stumbled down the stairs in my board shorts that are 4 sizes too big, a thick fleece jacket torn in places, sandals and a beard that Osama would be jealous of. My dad said "go back shave and change, I  don't want to be known as the real estate agent with the ugly son" (he works next door). Ignoring the fact that these comments might manifest in insecurities that could be used to explain my fall from grace in 40 years as I burst out of court in a green leotard smearing poo on walls screaming "I Just WANTED TO BE LOVED", I began to think about how my dad is being pressured into impressing people around him.. and its not just him, everyone dresses well, drives in a bmw, says things that people's ears want to hear as opposed to what their own tongues long to say, and in time they stop pretending to be someone else and actually become the cliched 'good citizen' living the american dream. But fuck that dream, unless it involves naked supermodels, midgets and fire it's not my dream. I should be able walk down to the doctor looking like a poverty stricken Yeti and not be forced to change. Alas, my dad was my only ride while my car keys were lost and I changed.

Saying that, I can't pretend to be the anti-conformist renegade I sound like. After all, I am the smart guy that goes to one of the best law schools in the country and studies like a mutherfucker and is thrilled by the share market. On the face of it, I reek of institution. But I draw a distinction between doing/not doing things simply because people expect it of you and doing/not doing things because they benefit you. I do those things for very selfish reasons, namely my obsession with money and power, my unparalleled determination to control.
I realise that people and society  will always be conforming to norms, it's human nature. Unquestioning acceptance is the oil that lubricates the wheels of a functional society. But other people's ignorance is not a bad thing, just make sure that the words they accept unquestioningly are yours. If they move in herds it simply makes for easier manipulation. If they choose to be sheep, don't be frustrated and scream at them hoping they will metamorphose into brilliant stallions, step up your game to make sure you are the shepherd.

I have been both lucky and cursed to have a mind that works in fragments, every whole is torn down to its components and rebuilt. It means that every idea is worked from first principles, it allows for a unique perspective and allows me to discard all the useless rubbish everyone accepts. It also means I am prone to be bogged down in detail, and can't revel in the bliss that comes with ignorance. I often push the levels of my own comfort, because all the lines i draw for myself (or are drawn for me) are often there to serve me no real purpose. So next time you think "oh i couldn't possibly do that" (or another variation of that if you don't speak like a 70 year old englishwoman)...do it and see where it takes you. Within reason of course, don't think 'I couldn't possibly stab the baby in the eye with a screwdriver' and then heed my advice. But colour outside those lines...I was always a shit artist anyway.